Aug. 14th, 2006

pez_love: (Jarod Pez)
[locked from everyone at The Centre]

If you want the truth, I sometimes feel a little guilty about the hoops I make Sydney, Broots, and Miss Parker jump through...Miss Parker especially, with regards to her mother. I’ve never deliberately withheld information, and by that I mean store things up, you know? If I know something, I give it to her as soon as I possibly can...I just don’t make it easy for her. It’s not like The Centre’s made it easy for me, after all.

The thing is, I have something that she doesn’t, something that helps the pain. It’s an outlet, something that’s real and very tangible...my freedom. It’s a liberation, a way out of the darkness she doesn’t have. Not anymore, anyway...The Centre took that from her when they killed her boyfriend.

The pain of her mother’s death only adds to that, and I know the games, the clues...they all drive the knife deeper.

I don’t mean to hurt her, but what’s going on here is bigger than both of us. I’m fighting for my life in a very literal sense...everything I am, everything that makes me a person. She has that where I don’t...I may have my freedom, but she has an identity, and I envy her that.

Still...it doesn’t make it any easier. I want to go to her, to give her everything I know without reservation...to tell her how important she still is to me. I know she gave up the chase a long time ago...in her heart, she doesn’t really care anymore about catching me for the Centre.

She wants me for herself...the answers I have, the secrets I know.

And I want her for the same reason...and then some.

I’m doing what I have to do...but it doesn’t make me feel any better about it.

[/locked]

Muse: Jarod
Fandom: The Pretender
Words: 308

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Jarod

January 2009

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