Mar. 27th, 2006

pez_love: (Jarod Ice Cream)
Where will I be in twenty years? The simple fact is, I don’t know.

And I’m grateful for that fact every single day.

I can tell you where I *won’t* be, however...and that’s back at the Centre. I know that it sounds a bit extreme, but I’d rather die than go back there. The world is such a vast, confusing, *beautiful* place...I think it would be easier to die than be caught again. My worst fear is becoming like Angelo...losing myself to this gift of mine. That’s what would happen if I went back there. Some people are just meant to be free, and I know in my heart I’m one of those people.

I think in their hearts? Sydney, Broots, and Miss Parker know it, too. They’ll never stop hunting me, and they’ll never really give me a free pass...but I’m certain that Sydney’s always glad to see me free. Broots, too. Miss Parker? Well...she just doesn’t know that she’s glad. ;)

Back at the Centre, I knew what each day would bring. Out here...I never know what the next sunrise will look like. All of them are different, you know...I’ve watched dozens. The only thing I’m sure of is that here, each day I get to be myself...I get to figure out just who I am. Every day, I discover new likes and dislikes...things I’ll do, things I won’t do, I have dreams of things I want to do with my new life.

The confusion about my past aside...after so many years of simulations, I’ve lost touch with my own identity more than once. I don’t even have a last name...I had to escape to learn just what and who Jarod really is. Jarod loves Pez, ice cream, and comic books. If I could settle down, stop running, I know that Jarod would be a doctor, or maybe a fireman. Those were two of my favorite people to be.

You know what I just figured out? I know *exactly* where I’ll be in twenty years...more specifically, *who* I’ll be.

I’ll be Jarod, well and truly...and I won’t be a Pretender any longer. Oh, I’ll have my mind and my skills, but I’ll be useless to the Centre as an asset.

After all, how can I simulate real life anymore when I’ve experienced the real thing?

Muse: Jarod
Fandom: The Pretender
Words: 399


pez_love: (Default)

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