[livejournal.com profile] fandom_muses: Topic 18 - Number One Regret

Apr. 27th, 2006 09:25 am
pez_love: (Jarod Pez)
[personal profile] pez_love
Considering that my life hasn’t been my own for more than a few years, I can’t say I have a lot of regrets because I’ve never had the opportunity to make those kinds of mistakes, you know?

But...if I had to pick just one? I’d have to say that my biggest regret was letting my family down.

Specifically, I’m talking about Kyle. When I learned that I had a brother...a *younger* brother, a certain responsibility fell on my shoulders. I can’t help but wonder if all older siblings feel it...the responsibility of taking care of another human being.

Kyle was my little brother, and it was my job to protect him...to keep him safe. And I failed.


The knowledge nearly killed me...not because of a sense of duty, but in finding out the truth about Kyle, I found a piece of myself. Everything he was, everything he did...it was a part of me, because the same blood flowed through our veins. Even at his worst...I know in my heart that if our places had been switched, that could have been me learning to kill under the care of Mr. Raines.

He may have been a little more strong-willed, a little less intellectual, and morally confused, but he wasn’t a bad person. I sometimes wish I could be a bit more like him...freer, not unstable. Kyle was unapologetic, and not just morally...he never ever second-guessed himself, and he probably never had any regrets of his own.

When he came to get me away from Lyle, it only made my own failure worse. It hurt, but in a good way...knowing that no matter what happened, my brother would come for me...that he would save me.

I just wish I could have done a better job of saving him, too.

Muse: Jarod
Fandom: The Pretender
Words: 306
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